______________________________________________________

She sighed and kicked the blanket off her body in wearied defeat, pushing herself up to a sitting position in the bed. It was no use at all, really - for she knew she would never get to sleep that night. Damn her overactive conscience.

Amy Dumas raised a hand and pressed it to her forehead, pushing it further up into her sweaty, matted long red hair. This was all her own fault... Her own damned fault, and she should have known better. She hated herself, hated what she'd become. And what she'd become over the last few weeks was a deceiver.

{One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve}

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, the redhead pushed herself up and made her way over to the open window on the other side. The way she was feeling, she might never get back to sleep. She gazed out the window sadly for a moment, listening to the sound of her own heartbeat as it thumped impossibly fast, along with her pulse.

{In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me}

Amy turned slightly, gazing over her left shoulder toward the bed, down at the still sleeping form of the man she loved. Adam Copeland was sound asleep, partly on his side, his long golden hair slightly fanned out on the pillow. They had been through so much together in the last two years that they'd been together. And they had just recently gotten engaged... Adam had surprised her three weeks earlier on bended knee, the beautiful words spilling from his lips, his forest-green eyes filled with love and emotion as he'd held the beautiful diamond ring out to her.

{You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go}

She couldn't do it... She couldn't go through with it, her heart wouldn't allow it. And the moment he'd proposed, she'd felt the sorrow and tears welling up deep inside of her, knowing that the reason behind it was one big lie. Well, she hadn't lied on purpose, but once it had started and she'd known what was really going on, she hadn't had the heart to tell him. Nor had she possessed the willpower to spit it out, as his heartfelt professions of love had taken precedence in her mind and soul alike. She had shoved the truth back to the farthest recesses, kept it out of her mind as best she could.

{I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin’ through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
Let me go}

The tears finally started flowing. Amy knew Adam wouldn't want anything more to do with her once he learned the truth - and that was why, lately, she had been slowly but steadily pushing him away. Or at least she was *trying* to. Why would he want to continue to be with her? Certainly, he would hate her and definitely not want to marry her once he knew the truth. But it hurt... Oh, God, how it hurt. She loved this man more than life itself, and she just could not hurt him like that. The physical pain she felt in her throat from the sobs that began to take over and wrack her body were nothing compared to the emotional agony she was in.

She was so deeply lost in her pain and misery that she didn't realize Adam had awoken until she felt his large, warm hands on her shoulders. Instinctively, she shrank slightly, a shudder chilling through her at his touch. She choked on a sob and kept her head turned away from him, staring with eyes blinded by tears out the window.

"Amy..." His deep, soft voice was filled with concern and love. "... Baby, what's wrong?"

{And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows}

Trying to gain control over her emotions, the redhead slowly turned to face him. It was dark in the room, but his handsome, worried face was clearly visible to her thanks to the moonlight filtering in through the window. God, she loved him... But she had to do this. She couldn't destroy him - he didn't deserve it.

"Ames... Sweetie, come back to bed. *Please*," he begged. He hugged her against him, his hands stroking her hair, her back. "Don't cry... Whatever it is that's bothering you so badly, it isn't worth your tears. We can work it out together... It isn't worth risking the-"

"Stop it..." she cried, pulling out of his embrace almost violently. She stared up into his unknowing face. Men were really so clueless, no matter how smart they were. "... Adam, I can't do this anymore." She shook her head. "I can't keep living a lie."

He frowned, confused. Reaching out with one hand, his head cocking to one side, he posed the obvious question.

"What? Honey, I'm not following you... What... What are you talking about?"

{You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me}

Somehow managing to keep more sobs from breaking free, Amy glanced down at her left hand. Slowly, she removed the glittering diamond engagement ring she'd worn for the last three weeks straight, a fresh tear trickling its way down her cheek as she took his hand and placed it in his palm, closing it around the ring. Then, she raised her gaze to his, his green eyes full of hurt. It tore her apart to witness such a look on his beloved face.

"I can't marry you. You love me, but... You don't know me these last couple of weeks. I-I've been... lying to you."

All the blood drained from the tall blond man's face. He felt as though his world were collapsing as he considered her words. What was she saying? Had she found another man? The mere idea of that made him queasy.

"Amy, don't... Don't do this. I *love* you, and you're carrying my baby, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He took hold of her hand, slipping the ring back on her finger despite her protestations. "Marry me."

The tears spilled forth easily again, and the redhead lowered her head, embarrassed to look at him. At the same time, she was touched. He said he still wanted to marry her... But when she spit out the truth, she knew he wouldn't want to go through with it.

"I have... something to tell you," she choked out. Reluctantly, she raised her head again to tearfully gaze into his eyes. She felt her heart breaking into a million tiny pieces as she continued. "I'm not... I'm not pregnant."

The blond man frowned, confusing overtaking him. Over the last few weeks, he'd believed they were expecting a baby. She'd claimed she was late, and had even bought a home pregnancy test. Hell, he'd been with her when she'd taken it at home, and it had shown them a positive result. But what...? Adam swallowed hard, his throat suddenly constricted somewhat.

"I... I don't understand."

"I don't think I was ever pregnant," she moaned miserably. "I *was* late, and you know the result of the test was positive, but..." She shook her head, sniffling. "It must have been a false reading. Adam, I got my period two and a half weeks ago. There's no baby. And I wanted to tell you, but then you asked me to marry you, and I didn't have the heart-" She broke off again, overcome by the tears and sobs.

Suddenly, Adam understood what was going on. There was no other man... But there was no baby, and the woman he loved had been terrified - terrified that once she discovered she wasn't pregnant that he would leave her. No wonder she'd been growing so distant lately. She thought he was going to leave her, and probably believed he'd only proposed because of the "baby."

"Shh... Sweetheart, don't," he crooned, the shock of the fact that she wasn't pregnant sinking in. It wasn't that big a deal to him, however, even though he'd been thrilled when she'd told him they were having a baby. He'd always wanted to be a father, but she came first. He pulled her into his embrace, his hands gentle as they stroked and caressed her. He lowered his head, holding her back just enough to kiss her. She was so scared, and so heartbroken, and he loved her. He wasn't going to let her slip away from him over this. No way, no how, no chance... Never.

After a few minutes, his arm wrapped around her body, he led her back to the bed, sitting her on the edge of it. He sat beside her, his touches still soft and loving as he reassured her with words.

"Ames, I love you." He moved his face close to hers, nuzzling her with the sweetest affection. "You're not gonna lose me." He let out a soft chuckle as he nuzzled her again, his eyes closing and then opening again to meet her red, teary hazel orbs. "After all we've been through, do you really think it'd be that easy to get rid of me?" He lowered his hand to grip her much smaller one.

"I love you, too, Adam," she whispered. She gazed into his green eyes with wonder. He really did love her. "You... you're not mad at me?"

A sharp, loving pain hit him in the heart at her question. She looked so small and fearful, and her voice was so filled with uncertaintly and insecurity. God, he loved this woman.

"Of course not," he assured her. He raised her hand, clasped in his, and turned it to press a sweet kiss to the back of it. "I can't lose you, honey... Besides, we can always try for the baby again."

Amy's eyes filled with fresh tears as she threw herself against him, hugging him as tightly as she could imagine. She felt as though an incredible weight had been lifted off of her shoulders and conscience. She wondered what gods cherished her so much to have given her such a wonderful man. But the only thing that mattered was that she still had him... He was hers, just as she was his.

// End \\  
 
 

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