_______________________________________________________
{Mmm...Something's
comin' over
Mmm...Something
comin' over
Mmm...Something's
coming' over me
My baby's
got a secret...}
Bubba Ray and Brock rushed down the hallway just in time to run into four of the men they'd set out looking for. Edge, Christian, Test and Chris Jericho were standing around several feet away, engaged in what was evidently a very funny conversation, as they were all laughing.
"Guys..." The Dudley Boy came up and eyed each of them in turn. "Sorry to interrupt, but...well, we really need to talk to you."
"What about, Junior?" Jericho asked, frowning at the odd expression on both men's faces, particularly Brock Lesnar, who also appeared to be white as a sheet.
"Can't explain here," Bubba said.
"Hey, are you all right, man?" Test asked, regarding Lesnar and smacking a hand against the man's shoulder. The Next Big Thing hadn't spoken at all.
"Yeah...but Bubba's right. We have to speak to you guys - and Lance, Kurt, Jeff and Maven as well."
The newly-engaged Christian exchanged confused glances with Edge. Knowing each other as well as they did, the two blond Canadians didn't have any trouble reading the question on the other's mind as well as his own: What the heck is going on?
Aloud, Edge said, "I just saw Maven and Jeff Hardy out in the parking lot..."
"And I was just talking with Kurt and Lance in the locker room a few minutes ago - we're sharing one tonight."
"Good...great, actually," Bubba said, and it took all of his willpower not to exhale a sigh of relief. "Go get them, will you guys? And then, let's all meet right back here."
"What's this all about, man?" Edge asked.
"I'll explain everything," the man promised. "As soon as everyone's gathered together."
"Okay." Edge disappeared down the hall while Test took off in the opposite direction.
"Hey, what's up?" a voice asked as someone approached. The four men remaining looked up to see a smiling Rob Van Damn.
"Hey, Rob...you wouldn't happen to be dating a diva right now, would you?" Bubba asked, figuring it a long shot since everyone probably would have already known if RVD was in fact doing so.
"Actually, yeah...I am," the young man admitted candidly. "Ivory."
"Good...I knew I had a psychic side," the Dudley Boy said.
"More like a psycho side, Jerky," Y2J quipped.
"Shut up, you..."
"Hey! Is that any way to talk to the King of the World?" Christian said, coming to his tag team partner and friend's defense.
Pointedly ignoring the two blond men, Van Dam asked, "What's going on, Bubba?"
"Brock and I need to talk to these guys...you too, Rob...and Edge and Test - they're getting the other guys we need to speak to. I'll explain later - in private," he added.
"Oh, I get it!" RVD exclaimed with a grin. "Comparing notes with all the guys who are with divas, huh?"
"Well, yes...in a manner of speaking." Bubba couldn't help reaching into one of his shorts pockets, instinctively fingering the object he held within.
After a few minutes, Test returned with Lance Storm and Kurt Angle, who both asked what was going on. Bubba held his tongue, and then Edge came back with Jeff Hardy and Maven in tow. The eleven wrestlers stepped into a locker room, and the nine confused men congregated around Bubba Ray and Lesnar expectantly.
"What's this meeting all about, Bubba?" Maven questioned. The young man who had been the first male Tough Enough champion arched an eyebrow with concern.
"Okay, guys..." The Dudley Boy reached into his pocket again. "...I don't want any of you to panic, but..." He took out the object he'd been carrying in his pocket and held it up, displaying it to everyone.
As the nine other guys began to buzz with a nervous assortment of reactions, Brock Lesnar turned to the other man. "You kept that thing in your pocket??"
Kurt Angle stood up, waving at Bubba, a look of confusion on his face. "What's that?"
Chris Jericho, sitting beside him, spoke up. Are you kidding, Kirk? Anyone can clearly see it's a pregnancy test!"
The Olympian blanched. "Is that what it is?"
"So, what's your point, man?" the younger Hardy brother asked. The young man ran his hand through his short, red-purple locks.
Edge faced his friend and nervously cleared his throat before speaking. "I think what Bubba Ray is trying to say is that-"
"One of the divas is pregnant," the Dudley Boy finished for the tall blond man.
"Wait a minute," Lance said as he stood up. "If I can be serious for a moment...Where did you get that thing?"
"I found it in the wastebasket in the women's locker room," Bubba replied.
"Well, I'll tell you this," the vanilla Calgary, Alberta native said in his mellow, monotone of a voice, "it's not Torrie's!"
"Well, obviously, Christian and Molly have to be the proud, expectant parents," Kurt said. "Oh, it's true!"
Christian rose an eyebrow as he looked over at the Olympic Hero. "Oh, yeah, Kurt? And how do you figure that?"
"Simple - you and Molly are getting married, so it has to be you two."
The Canadian nearly did a double-take as he stared incredulously at the other man. "Good grief, Kurt! Do you even know how babies are made? It doesn't automatically take being married or being engaged for it to happen! Do you and Jackie ever do anything in the sack?"
"Of course we do!" Angle cried, his face reddening with embarrassment. "And of course I know how babies are-"
"All right, enough!" Test suddenly piped in. "I know which of the divas is pregnant..."
"You do?" Brock asked. "You mean Stacy-"
"No! Stacy and I are always careful," the tall blond insisted. "But I know a diva who is pretty loose in the caboose, so to speak, and I know that from personal experience..."
As the other ten wrestlers eyed him with anticipation, Test continued. "It's amazing she hasn't been knocked up a long time ago, but I'm glad it never happened when I was with her."
"Stop dancing around already," Maven said. "Who are you talking about?"
"None other than Stephanie McMahon..."
"You take that back, you Ass Clown!" Chris Jericho bolted up out of his seat as if to charge at the larger man. Beside him, Christian grabbed his tag team partner, preventing Y2J from attacking the big Canadian for insulting his girlfriend.
"I will not take it back!" Test crowed. "That woman caused me nothing but heartache and trouble when we were together. And anyway, it's the truth. She's the biggest ho in the entire company - just ask Triple H...hell, even you were calling her much worse at one point, Chris!"
Jericho's face was red with the fury he felt toward the other man. He wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Test, beat the living hell out of him, but Christian wouldn't let go of him.
"And I suppose your precious little Stacy is all peaches and cream!" he finally retorted. "What about when she was bending over for Vince McMahon, huh?"
Before Test could reply, Maven, from across the room, grew angry. "In slinging that kind of mud, you're insulting my Trish, too!"
"Sorry," Chris said sincerely. "I honestly didn't mean to drag Trish into all of this."
"Wait just a minute," Bubba Ray said. "It could be Ivory, you know..."
"Huh?" RVD asked, a blank expression on his face. "But we've only been going out a couple of months."
"Exactly," the Dudley said. "And when are you most likely to go all out of control and be more spontaneous and stuff? Early on in a relationship, that's when!"
"That makes sense," Storm said to Rob as he eyed him.
"Yeah," Christian agreed. "However...some couples are always like that, even when they've been together awhile..." He turned to his left to study his brother before continuing with his theory. "...and we all know you and Lita can never get enough of each other."
Edge's emerald eyes widened as he stared at the shorter man with annoyance. "Your point being...?"
"It's gotta be you and Lita, you reekazoid!"
"Don't you 'reekazoid' me, you dorkchop!"
The two blond Canadians proceeded to get into a bit of a shoving match before Jericho, who was sitting on Christian's other side, put himself between the two brothers.
"Okay! No more!" he cried. "Grow up, you two! Jeez..."
Bubba Ray cleared his throat. "Guys, guys! We're not getting anywhere with this meeting...but I have the answer."
"Okay, so what is it?" Brock questioned with impatience.
"We all keep our eyes open. Men, watch your girlfriends - and fiancee - carefully. See if there are any telltale signs."
"We already saw some signs tonight, Bubba..." Lesnar reminded him.
"What do you mean, Brock?" Jericho asked.
"Well...when we met Lillian and Dawn Marie in the buffet room a little earlier..." The Next Big Thing swallowed hard. "...there were signs from both of them - Dawn was eating enough for an army, and Lil was eating like a bird and claimed she was nauseous."
"Then it's one of them!" rainbow-haired Jeff exclaimed. "I knew it couldn't be Nidia! Thank God..."
"We don't know that for sure," Bubba said as he glared at Lesnar for opening his big mouth about Dawn Marie. "Anyway, men - everyone do as I suggested, and then we'll figure it all out."
With that, the meeting was over as the wrestlers all stood and made their way to the door...