______________________________________________________
{I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory...}
My world is gone.
{Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide...}
Everything around me goes on... It goes on as though it all never happened - as though they were nothing more than dreams, mere figments of my imagination.
{I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me...}
Life for me has lost all meaning. I have nothing left. My friends - or at least the ones who still care enough to call themselves that - always tell me otherwise. I still have my career, and *them*... my health - I still have *that*.
{I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been...
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me...}
But they don't get it - I don't *care*. I quit caring on the night when it happened.
{I won't leave
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me}
It was only a few short months ago - just over three, to be exact - that it happened. My night of pure hell on earth.
I lost her... I lost my wife. And no, she didn't leave me, at least not in the way one would think. She didn't divorce me. My Amy loved me so much, she often joked that we must have been the same person in a previous life, that we were a shared soul.
I raise my hands to my face as I remember. The memories are always so vivid, they torment me with their clarity.
She died... Amy Christine Dumas-Copeland, my light, my soulmate, my *world*, had been pronounced dead on that damn table in the hospital on what should have been the happiest day of our lives. But fate was more cruel than I'd ever known. In all my life, in my most horrible nightmares, I never could have envisioned it happening.
Amy had had a difficult time, and she'd ended up hemorhhaging on the table. The doctors had tried everything to help her, to save her life... but it had been too late. I'd been so much in shock that it hadn't exactly hit me right then that she was... gone.
Our son had somehow, miraculously survived through the difficult birth. As the doctors had tended to Amy, a nurse had handed the baby to me - little Joseph - we'd planned on giving him my middle name and calling him Joey.
And then, as though in a horrid nightmare, one only the most diseased of minds could dream, the unthinkable had happened - my newborn son had stopped breathing. I'd shouted to the doctors and nurses, and the baby was taken out of my arms so they could work on him.
All the efforts proved to be futile - Joseph Jason Copeland was gone from this world, only having lived in it for a few measly minutes. He had joined his mother...
That had been when I'd lost it, when it had all finally hit me - my wife and child were dead, gone forever. What in hell had they done, had *I* done, to deserve a sickening fate such as this?! I'd sunk to the floor on my knees and broken down, letting out a broken wail of despair. Oh, my God... My entire world was *gone*...!
And now, here I am, three-plus months later. I have not a care in the world. Some of my friends complain that I've grown distant - some of them even go so far as to say, in anger, that I've become an asshole. I shrug it off. I don't care. Nothing matters anymore.
I look up at the sudden sound of the familiar voice.
"Adam, pick up the phone!" I hear Jay exclaim through the answering machine. The phone's ringer is off and has been for days. Good ol' Jay - my best and oldest friend in the world is one of the few who still gives a damn about me.
"Come on, Adam, I know you're there! Damn it, Mr. McMahon told me if you missed another show, he was gonna fire you!"
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and turn away from the phone and answering machine, ignoring my lifelong friend. The machine will end up cutting him off anyway, as Jay has a habit of using up the entire duration of the allowed message space these days.
I meander into the bedroom... *Our* bedroom. And that's when my tears start to fall.
All around me, I feel Amy. Her presence is everywhere in this room. At night, her beautiful face, those hazel eyes and lush red hair haunt me. She should be here with me, laying beside me or in the circle of my arms... not gone to an eternal sleep.
I catch sight of our framed wedding picture on the dresser. She looked so beautiful and happy. She took my breath away. The day we got married was the happiest of my life. God damn it, why did fate have to be so cruel?!
I can't take it any longer - the *agony*. Letting out a snarl of rage and the deepest sorrow imaginable, in one quick move, I swing out with my arm, sweeping the beautiful photograph to the floor. Oh, God... Despite the carpet, the glass in the frame shatters... And Amy's lovely smiling face is gazing up at me through shards.
Sobbing, I blindly run from the room. I want out, I can't take this anymore. This life is now nothing but torture.
My feet take me to the garage... My sporty Range Rover greets me. I stare at the SUV for a brief moment through my tears, my mind made up. At this point, I am not even running on intellect but on instinct.
Snatching up the keys, I slip into the truck, gunning the ignition. The garage door is still down, but that's the way it's going to stay.
I shut myself in, my tall form slumping in the driver's seat. I'll sit here in this damn SUV all night if I have to. Hopefully, Jay doesn't get here in time.
Eventually, I lose track of time. I may have been here an hour, two, or an entire twenty-four. At this point, I don't know, nor do I care. The carbon monoxide has finally kicked in and is working its magic.
And just beyond the truck, in front of the closed garage door, I see her - Amy... My beautiful, sweet Amy. And she's cradling baby Joey in her arms. I see her beckoning to me.
'Adam...'
She's calling me as well. I'm going to her, going to join her. Wherever that may be, I'll never be separated from her again...
{I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me}
// End \\