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She sighed and drew her knees up against her chest, one arm winding around her legs, holding them in place, the other going up, her hand running gently through her long hair.
Amy slowly closed her eyes, the shroud of sorrow and loneliness wrapping itself tightly around her. She didn't know how much longer she could keep this up and keep herself away.
She sat restlessly in front of the open window in the hotel room she was sharing with one of her fellow diva friends. At the very moment, Lisa Marie Varon was out, hanging with a few of the other girls. She and Trish had pleaded with her to come with them to the club they'd chosen as their evening's hangout, but she'd stubbornly declined. She couldn't deal with that right now, couldn't sit there with the other women and put on the facade of being happy go lucky while her heart was in absolute turmoil.
The redhead gazed out the window and out into the dark street below. She couldn't stand feeling this way. The hopelessness of the way she felt overwhelmed her. In fact, she didn't know how it was that she was completely dry-eyed for the moment. Earlier that day, she'd burst into tears as she'd confided in Lisa Marie. She'd told the raven-haired woman about that last incident with Adam from mere days earlier, that night during RAW, in his locker room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"... I just... froze," she revealed, her eyes downcast as she felt the other diva's eyes on her. The two of them were sitting across from one another on her hotel room bed, and Amy had just felt the urge to spill her guts to her friend. She hadn't even talked to Trish about this, the blonde woman being her very best friend. But the Canadian diva was with her boyfriend and Lisa Marie was her road roomie for now, and they *were* good friends.
"Well... that's understandable, Amy," the dark-haired diva said gently. "You two have been through so much. It's only natural that-"
"I kissed him," she interrupted. "I kissed him because... no matter how mad I was, I love that man. But..." She shook her head, the tears welling up fast in her eyes, and she was finally unable to hold them back any longer. "All of this is my own damn fault! I'm such a horrible, horrible person!"
As Amy broke down, her shoulders sagging with her sobs, Lisa reached out and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't say that - it's not true..."
"But you don't understand," the redheaded diva said, shaking her head. "I think I *drove* Adam to cheat on me."
"No... How can you sit there and blame-"
"Damn it, Lisa Marie - you don't get it," she cried. "Early into our relationship, I..." She looked up, briefly meeting her friend's eyes but couldn't hold the contact for longer than a few seconds. "... I cheated on Adam."
The raven-haired woman's eyes filled with surprise.
"You... you did?"
Amy nodded.
"I did... It was with Matt," she elaborated. "And I guess even though he forgave me, he never really got over it." She raised her head, her tearful gaze fixing on the ceiling above her. "There are so many things I don't understand - about myself, and the way *I* feel... I mean, how can I condemn Adam when *I* did the same thing to him so long ago? And first, at that?"
Lisa Marie gave the other woman a tender, sympathetic look.
"Well... if it's any consolation, Amy," she began, and the other woman looked up and met her eyes sadly. "It's obvious Adam still loves you, and he definitely wants to be with you - that little display last month in our locker room pretty much *screamed* that - so, why don't you just talk to him? You guys are *so* meant to be together. The only question is, can your relationship survive all this heartache?"
The redhead felt more tears spilling forth, her friend's words ringing loudly in her head. She honestly didn't know the answer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was lonely. She was so miserable without him. All Amy wanted was to get up and seek him out, throw herself into his strong arms and be loved by him. At this point, she didn't even want to talk for the moment, she just wanted and needed *him*.
She ran her hands through her hair again as she thought about that night in his locker room. It had been an ordinary night aside from a few key events. First, Joy Giovanni had been eliminated from the RAW Diva Search contest. She had to acknowledge that she'd breathed a deep sigh of relief, despite the fact that she knew Adam had been completely honest when he'd insisted he wanted nothing to do with the woman. Still, after the little brunette had been cut, she'd been able to definitely breathe easier.
And then, when she'd gone to his locker room to confront him, she'd gotten an awakening. The moment she'd laid eyes on him when she'd been standing outside his door, she'd known she didn't want to live her life without him. But as he'd remembered moments later that she'd betrayed him with Matt Hardy all that time ago, something inside of her had cracked. She'd felt so horribly guilty, so responsible. How could she ever look him in the eye again? Everything was all *her* fault.
And, given all of what she now knew, how in hell could she have the nerve to still be angry with him? Although, at this point, she was more hurt than anything else - and the anger she felt toward herself far outweighed any anger she felt toward him.
She couldn't take it anymore. She was becoming more restless and antsy by the moment, and she *had* to see him. She would literally be climbing the walls if she didn't get out of here and find him, and soon.
Her mind made up, Amy rose from the chair by the window and snatched up the keycard she'd left on the nightstand. She slipped it into her pocket as she hurried briskly from the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Adam stared blankly at the TV, his mind a million miles away from the program that was playing.
He couldn't stop thinking of Amy. God, how he'd screwed up... He'd screwed up big time, and despite the fact that the redhead *had* indeed cheated on him a mere two months into their relationship, his own inability to be faithful was *his* own fault.
He felt his eyes watering a bit as he reminded himself of their last run-in. He'd honestly thought they were on the verge of a reconciliation. She'd kissed him back when he'd made the first move. He recalled every movement, every nuance, every emotion between them during that moment. She'd sunk into his touch, and he'd known she wanted him back. She still loved him and seemed to be melting and warming up to him again. But then, she'd pulled back, almost violently away from him as though terrified.
Damn it... Damn *him*.
The blond man started to reposition himself onto his side on the hotel bed, pulling his tall frame into a fetal position as he wallowed in his own misery. And then, he raised his head, his ears pricked as he suddenly became aware that someone had knocked on the door.
Slowly, he pushed himself up to a sitting position, his gaze fixed on the door. Who in the world could be visiting him now? He wished that somehow, it could be *her*, but damn it, she'd been avoiding him again, ever since that night. And he couldn't say he blamed her, as much as it tore his heart out.
In spite of the horrid yet irrational nagging feeling inside of him that it could be Joy right outside the door - even though the woman was now gone from the diva contest - the blond man rose and dragged himself over to answer it. He prayed he wasn't making a huge mistake by doing so.
He was shocked by the pair of red-rimmed hazel eyes that greeted him. She looked at him with such a crestfallen expression, he felt as though he could break down himself. He never could bear such sadness in her. He never wanted to make her so sad, and frankly, he *had* caused it.
"Amy..." he breathed, his gaze never once leaving her face. She looked so small and sad and alone, yet so welcoming to his eyes. He held the door open more widely for her to enter, and she stepped past him and into the room without so much as a word to him.
She whirled around to face him, her expression sadder than tragedy. She was silent for a moment as she gazed up into his face, taking note of the dark circles that still resided under his otherwise brilliant forest-green eyes, the redness surrounding the irises. Her breath was momentarily lost as she gazed into that beloved, handsome face, the face she'd loved for so long and so deeply and passionately. It hurt to just look at him now, and she ducked her head and looked down, fearful of breaking down yet again.
"I'm... Adam, I'm so sorry!"
He cocked his head as he stared at her, uncertainty sweeping through him. Why was *she* apologizing to *him*? For running away from him? For having cheated on him over four years earlier? Lord knew, he'd forgiven her way back then, and in fact had believed he'd forgotten as well - and he *had*, except for his damn subconscious.
"Amy, no..."
"No, listen to me," she insisted, her words rushing out of her in a breath. "This whole thing... it's all my fault, Adam... all *mine*. I drove you to her... I drove you to do what you did."
"That's not true," he denied, shaking his head rapidly as he edged closer to her. She was nodding, belying everything he was saying. "I was stone-drunk," he reminded her, his gaze steady as he fixed it on her face. Her head was still down, and he had a feeling she was having trouble looking him in the eye. And so, he lowered his right hand to her chin, tipping it up so that she had no choice but to look at him. "Listen to me... I was drunk. I wasn't thinking straight that night."
Her eyes seemed to be filling with tears as she blinked at his words. A small sniffle escaped her, but she didn't speak a word as he continued.
"And I meant every word I said when I told you I ended up thinking it was *you*. I was so drunk, I honestly thought that, Ames... And by God, I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm yours forever and true, and I'll never hurt you again."
"But *I* hurt *you* so badly!" she exclaimed, some tears finally slipping their way down her cheeks, drenching them and his hand that still held onto her chin. "It was in the back of your mind - what I did to betray and hurt you, and that's why you-"
Her words were cut off as Adam closed those few more inches of distance between them, and he lowered his lips onto hers, kissing her into silence as he lowered his arms so they wrapped around her waist. He held her close as he felt her body relax in his embrace, and she began to respond.
The blond man began to anticipate the worst again as he continued to love her lips and mouth with his own, his tongue dipping inside. He felt her moan in his mouth as she eagerly wrapped her own tongue around his, her hands going up to press against his cheeks as she held his head firmly in place.
"I love you so much, Adam..." she breathed as she pulled back just enough to speak. There were tears streaming down her face as she gazed into his eyes. She still felt so guilty.
He kissed her tears away, his large, warm hands caressing up and down her back.
"I love you, too, Amy... I always have, and I always *will*."
She let out a soft, broken cry as she sank against him again, her eyes closing as she felt his lips on her skin again. He placed kisses all over her cheeks and eyes, again kissing away all her tears. Her lip gloss was smudged, and she knew it as she opened her eyes to meet his, her tearful gaze dropping to his full lips. A tiny chuckle escaped her as she reached up and wiped at his mouth, her eyes returning to his emerald depths. A sharp pain touched her heart, for she loved this man. She loved him so deeply and with such an intensity that it actually physically *hurt*.
Again, the redhead was overcome by her emotions as her eyes welled up more. She tilted her head to one side, a slightly sheepish expression coming to her face as she began to speak. Her voice was so soft, he had to turn his head to place an ear near her lips.
"I... I can't live without you, Adam... Baby, I... If you would take me back... I mean..."
"Ames... sweetie, you never *lost* me," he whispered as he turned her face toward his. Before she could utter another word, he pressed his warm lips against hers, kissing the breath out of her. She trembled in his embrace, and would have probably fallen if not for the blond man's strong, muscular arms. Instead, he held her firmly and tenderly against him.
In moments, the kiss that was so full of unadulterated love of the purest form transformed, transcended. It had been so long - *too* long, and the redhead found herself practically moaning at the sensation of his erection throbbing against her. The last time this had happened, she'd run out on him. She'd grown terrified of becoming so close again and had choked. And then, in keeping with the not so distant memory of that night, the tall blond man paused in his kissing, stopping to gaze down at her almost expectantly, his gaze filled with dread and uncertainty.
She bit her lip as she gazed down, her lips parting as she blinked, then looked back up to meet his green eyes. And she didn't run. She didn't abandon him, regardless of his aroused state. She wouldn't do that again. Not ever...
Adam let out a muffled moan as the diva lunged back at him, her hands pulling at his head, drawing him down to her so that their lips met again. She was dizzying in her passion, her lips and tongue dominating him, her sweet, curvaceous body pressing tautly against him. It seemed she was deliberately making contact with that male part of him that he couldn't help but feel had betrayed him that last time - and he groaned at the pleasurable sensations. In mere moments, he couldn't even stand it. Her hand had traveled down low, and now she was caressing, fondling him through the gray sweatpants he'd worn to bed.
The blond man growled as the passion got the better of him, and in one swift move, he swept her up and carried her quickly to his hotel bed. Laying her down on it, he still had the irrational fear that she would sit up and then bolt, but it didn't happen. The moment her back was on the mattress, she was reaching up for him, pulling him down to her to consume his lips. He kissed her back ardently, his tongue plunging deeper into her mouth, and he nearly lost himself as he again felt her hand come into play. She fondled him more demandingly, placing her hand into the waistband of his pants. The feel of her small, smooth hand was heavenly to him.
"Oh, God..." she moaned as she pulled his head to hers again. Their faces were not even an inch apart, her breath warm on his face as she gasped. "... Adam... make love to me."
He leaned forward to press his forehead lightly against hers. Gone were the tears, the doubt, the fear he'd detected on her beautiful face earlier.
"Are you sure?" he whispered.
She nodded vigorously.
"Oh, yes... *God*, yes... I've never been so sure of anything in my life..."
Their clothing seemed to melt off, and Amy began to moan at the feel of Adam's nude body against her. It had been far too long. It was criminal that they hadn't made love in well over a month. He didn't care that she'd betrayed him... He loved her. It was a selfless, deep, undying love, and she couldn't believe she was the recipient of it. All along, she'd always loved him. She'd just been scared - scared that she wasn't really worthy of it.
In one swift, delicious movement, he filled her completely, and the young woman gasped as she lay there and gazed up at him. And those eyes... Those deep pools of forest green that drank her in so longingly and lovingly as he began with slow and regular thrusts... She felt as though she could cry out at the look in his eyes. She reached up and placed a gentle hand to his face, cupping it against his stubble-covered cheek, then slid it to his jaw. He was really such a beautiful man - and he *loved* her.
She swallowed hard, her eyes closing for a few seconds, but she opened them again, as she wanted to look at him - and for *him* to look at *her*. His teeth gritted with the effort of increasing the pace of his thrusts, and a snarl escaped him at how wet she was for him. He couldn't believe it had been so long since he'd last been inside of her. They belonged together - in every possible way.
She rocked her own hips in an upward motion, meeting all of his movements as he slammed in and out of her at a nice rhythm they both enjoyed. Her breath was coming more quickly, her walls beginning to tighten around him, and then she let go, releasing a scream as she came. She reached up and pulled his head down to hers as she moaned, her lips seeking his hungrily.
He kissed her back passionately, still jabbing into her quickly, and he raised his head to gaze down into her ecstasy-filled hazel eyes. He needed to see her as it happened, needed...
He moaned loudly as he felt his own orgasm hit, and with one final deep thrust, he released himself, her name escaping him over and over again.
"Oh, God, I love you!" he breathed. Slowly and reluctantly, he withdrew from her. "I thought I lost you, babe." He pulled her against him, his sweaty blond hair against her cheek as she held tightly to him.
"No... never," she admitted softly. "In the last month and a half, I never stopped loving you. I couldn't... I *can't*."
He pressed a kiss to her sweaty forehead. Now that he had her back, he intended never to allow anything to come between them again.