Fire and Ice/The Fine Line Between Love and Hate


Adam drove back to the hotel with a feeling of anxiousness running through him.

He had hoped he'd be right behind Amy as she drove back to the place, but if he had been, he'd lost her, as it seemed he was getting every red light from the arena to the hotel.

As he braked for yet another, he ran his left hand through his long blond hair, the right still on the steering wheel.

Damn it... He'd thought he would've been able to catch her before she left.  He wondered if the redhead had deliberately left when she had, for the sole purpose of avoiding him.  If so, then Amy must be even more furious with him than he'd thought.

Adam couldn't help but wonder about the hotel room keycard Jeff had given him.  It was Amy's, but why did the younger Hardy brother have it to begin with?  However, the tall blond man knew how close the redhead and the young man were.  She'd probably given it to him just in case something were to happen.

...in case something were to happen.  Those six words replayed in his head, and he wondered why he'd just gotten such a thought.

Well, none of that mattered right now - he was on his way to the woman he loved.

"Come on!" the Canadian exclaimed in frustration, striking the steering wheel with the heel of his right hand.  He'd thought he would make it through this light, but it had suddenly turned red.  He'd been stuck behind a slow-moving van, which, ironically enough, had made the light.  He had maybe a mile more to go before reaching the hotel.

He was relieved when the light turned green again, and he pressed his foot on the accelerator, knowing he was probably going a little fast - but damn it, he couldn't help it.  He was overly anxious, so nervous he felt his stomach lurching.  He only hoped there wouldn't be any patrolmen on the prowl lying in wait to stop him and give him a ticket.  All he could think of right now was getting to Amy - apologizing and telling her how much she truly meant to him and always had.

After what seemed like an eternity, Adam finally arrived at the hotel, without incident, and he breathed a sigh of relief.  He quickly parked the car in a vacant spot in the lot, yanked his bag out of the trunk and briskly made his way to the door.

The blond man debated with himself for a beat whether or not to go to his own room first to rid himself of his bag and jacket or to go straight to her.  He decided to go to his room first, as he didn't want to be burdened by anything when he went to the woman he loved.

Once at his room, he quickly stashed his bag on the floor near the bed, and was shrugging out of his black leather jacket when something odd suddenly caught his eye.

Draping the jacket over the back of the chair, Adam squinted as he gazed in the direction of the floor over by the door.  Something was on the floor, just beyond the door.

As he slowly made his way over there, he realized it was white, and that it was a folded up piece of paper.  Evidently, it had been shoved underneath the crack between the hotel room door and the floor.  He wondered why he hadn't noticed it as he'd entered the room a moment or so before.

The blond man bent over and quickly snatched up the paper, his heart pounding as he unfolded it in a hurry.  A horrible feeling gripped him as he read the first few words, but it only got worse...

Dear Adam,

I'm writing this to you because I don't know how to say it all to your face - not after everything I've come to realize over these last few weeks.

I know you've never loved me.  I was hoping you did, but I realize that you don't, and probably never will.  I should have known better right from the start that someone like you could never love someone like me.  I now realize that all I ever was to you was, at best, a buddy you had some great sex with.

You don't know how much you've hurt me.  You and Trish, though I've already forgiven her.  I don't understand why you played these games with my heart, but I guess you had your reasons.  But in the process, I fell in love with you.  Even after everything you've done to hurt me, I still love you.  And I hate you for that.  I love you, but I hate you.  Without you, my life has no meaning.  I know that sounds like a silly cliche, but it's the truth.

I can't go on like this.  Being without you is tearing me apart.  But I can't be with you because I know you don't care - at least not in the way I need you to care.  And somewhere down the line, you'll end up with another girl, one you'll probably love - maybe that girl will even be Trish.  I can't even stand the thought of that - you with someone else.

All in all, I've realized that I can't live without you.  I can't go on.  I hate my life and I can't take it anymore.  Maybe one day we'll meet again in another lifetime - maybe you'll even find enough love in your heart for me.

Just remember that I'll always love you, even when I'm long gone...

Eternally,

Amy

Adam looked up from the letter, not even aware of the tears that had filled his eyes while he'd been reading it.

Oh, my God... As he'd been reading, he'd somehow failed to notice the small red smears on the paper.  Now, he was acutely aware of them.  They looked like blood... Holy shit...

Amy's letter looked so...so terribly tragic, so hopeless - so final.  My God... Quickly, he re-read sections of her letter.

I can't go on.  I hate my life and I can't take it anymore... Just remember that I'll always love you, even when I'm long gone.  And she'd signed it with 'Eternally.'  Dear God, this was a suicide note!

"Christ!"  The blond man ran for the door, the paper slipping from his fingers to lay forgotten on the floor near the bed, where he'd paced to while reading.  In a flash, he was out the door, running up the two flights to Amy's room.  As he ran, he reached into the pocket of his jeans, checking that he still had the keycard.  It was there.

He only hoped he wasn't too late...
















Part 39

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