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Buffer Zones
A few days later, I still hadn't heard back from Jeff. I could only assume what I'd thought previously, that he despised me and wanted nothing to do with me. It stung.
I reached for the phone, my breath held as I did the impulsive and actually called him.
"Hello?" He answered on the third ring.
"Why haven't you replied to my email?"
"Huh? Who is this?"
"Oh, sorry... It's Amy," I said.
"Amy... Hi," Jeff said.
"So, I was just wondering why you never replied to my email," I went on.
"Did you send me one?"
"Yes, just over a week ago," I said. "I signed up for a new Yahoo! account... BigRed414."
"Oh, right... I got that and deleted it. Thought it was spam 'cause I didn't recognize the address."
"Oh." My heart dipped a few notches.
"What did it say?" Jeff asked.
"Huh? Oh, nothing," I lied. I felt mortified and very awkward, and I hated that feeling. After all, this was Jeff. "Just hi and how are you."
"Oh, okay... Hi back, and I'm doing good."
I let out a small laugh that was more a giggle at that, much to my dismay.
"Listen," I said, unable to stop myself, "we should go to dinner one of these days. Catch up."
Sure," he said. "Yeah... I'd like that."
"How's tonight at seven at Mi Tio's? I'll bring Candice. Ask AJ if he'd come, too."
"Yeah, yeah," he replied. "That sounds great. I'll talk to him. See you tonight."
"Okay... Bye."
The moment I hung up, I felt like hitting myself. Somehow, I had just booked a double date for Jeff and me and included my friend and her ex, who just so happened to be the father of her unborn child as well. What the hell had I done?
Candice was going to kill me.
*
I met the girls for lunch at Mom's On Park Avenue.
"No, no, no, no!" Candice exclaimed.
"Oh, come on... Please," I begged.
"I can't believe you, Amy!" she said, looking at me incredulously.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I wasn't thinking... But I needed a buffer. Come on, I was your buffer at the opening of Riley's."
That seemed to change my friend's demeanor a bit. She raised a hand to smooth a lock of stray hair back from her face.
"Okay, fine," Candice relented. "I'll do it just so we're even."
"Thank you," I said with a smile. "And don't worry, it'll be fun!"
She gave me a doubtful look.
"Right."
"Oh, come on... You and AJ are friends now, aren't you?" Trish asked.
"Yes, but that's all. It could be awkward," the brunette replied.
"How could anything be awkward between you two anymore?" Lisa Marie asked, her gaze and gesture pointed to Candice's slightly showing pregnancy bump.
Our friend merely rolled her eyes. She gave Lisa a break due to her recently re-breakup.
"Do you two want to come along?" I asked. Maybe three buffers wouldn't be such a bad idea.
"I can't," Trish said. "Glen's showing me an apartment that's on the market and I have to be up early for it."
"Count me out, too," Lisa Marie said. "I'm just not in the mood. Go, have fun."
"Oh, sweetie," I said, reaching for her hand.
"I'll be okay. I just need a few days to myself," she assured me with a small smile.
*
That night, we all met at the steakhouse I had suggested to Jeff on the phone. I was feeling surprisingly loose and comfortable, telling funny stories a million miles a minute. Okay, maybe it wasn't so surprising, because I was loaded up on tequila.
It was an intense moment when, suddenly, Jeff placed his hand on mine. I raised my gaze to meet his eyes, both literal and figurative warmth hitting me like an epiphany.
"Well, if you'll excuse me," AJ said, still laughing, "I have to go to the little boys' room."
"Me too," Jeff said. "I'll come with."
"Guys aren't supposed to do that," AJ said. "Eh, come on."
I looked over my shoulder to watch them as they left, then turned to Candice.
"Okay... I think you can go now."
"Excuse me?" the brunette asked.
"Oh, I don't want to be a rude bitch," I said, "but can you go and take AJ with you? I think I'm okay with it being just me and Jeff now."
Candice shrugged, then nodded.
"Ahh, gotcha. Okay... Good luck." She patted me on the shoulder and collected her jacket and purse, then headed for the restrooms to wait.
*
Later, I walked Jeff back to his apartment. Mi Tio's was in his neighborhood, and I'd been the one to invite him, so it was only fair.
"Thanks for walking me home," he said as we reached his brownstone.
"Oh, it was the least I could do." I gazed up at him, longing for what we'd had many months earlier.
"Well... Goodnight."
Before he could even turn to go up the stairs, I blurted it out, unable to stop myself.
"I... I think I want to get back together."
He stopped in his tracks and stared at me.
"Amy..." he said.
"I know I messed things up before, but... It's different, and I would never hurt you again."
"I had fun with you tonight," Jeff admitted. "And I'm willing to do the friends thing, but... that's about it."
"But you put your hand on mine..."
"What? Oh, I was just trying to make you feel more comfortable," he said.
I cocked my head as I studied him, perplexed. And then, I felt embarrassed, mortified, even.
"Oh."
"Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea," Jeff said.
"No, it's okay... Well, goodnight."
He took me by surprise by suddenly kissing me. Because I'd been about to walk off, he got the very corner of my mouth. Again, I was totally confused.
*
The moment I stepped into my apartment, my phone rang. Thinking it might be Jeff, I instantly snatched up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Candice spoke back to me, "where was my buffer? AJ tried to kiss me outside of the restaurant!"
"Oh... Sorry," I said.
"Nevermind. So, what happened with Jeff?"
It was the weirdest thing... He said he only wanted to be friends, but then he kissed me. He only got the corner of my mouth, but that's because I was walking away," I told her. Then, thinking fast on my feet, "I'm going to his place."
"What? Amy... That's a bad idea."
"No," I disputed. "I know he feels what I feel."
Candice sighed. "But he said he just wants to be friends."
"I know he still feels it," I said, then hung up.
*
Twenty minutes later, I was back outside Jeff's brownstone, tossing stones at his window to get his attention. I couldn't help but think of all the stereotypes of women attempting grand gestures - that we were psychos, stalkers or desperate. Of course, had I been a man, this would be seen as romantic.
Minutes later, the light went on in the room, and Jeff poked his head out the window.
"Amy... You're still here?"
"No... I went home," I said, "but I can't back. Can we talk?"
He raised a hand in a 'wait' gesture and vanished. A moment later, he stepped through the front door and stood at the top of the stairs.
"Hi," I said with a smile. "Can I come in?"
"I don't think that's such a good idea," he said. I could see the wariness in his eyes.
"But we have to talk... I know what you said before, but I feel like... Well, I feel fairly certain there's still something between us." I eyed him squarely.
Jeff studied me for a beat.
"I had a nice time with you tonight, I did," he admitted. "And I'm willing to try the friends thing, but I can't go any farther than that."
My heart sank. I just didn't get it. We indeed had a great time, and it was obvious he was still attracted to me.
"I know you're scared, but things are different now," I assured him. "I'm different. A lot has changed in all this time, and I-"
You broke my heart!"
I stared at him, speechless. I felt as though I'd been punched in the stomach. All I could think of doing was running - and so, I did.
"Amy!" I heard Jeff calling me, but I didn't turn back. I was far too mortified.
*
An hour later, I was laying in my bed at home, still wide awake. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened, what Jeff had said.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of something ticking off my window. I got out of bed to take a peek outside, shocked to see him. Then, just as I went running for the door, he bolted for the door downstairs.
He met me at a doorway, and our lips met instantly. I felt myself being lifted into his arms and carried to my bed. It felt like a dream.